Dear Citizen Emitter,
Welcome to your New York State Department of aLien Labour listserv where our aim is to keep you up to date on new and exciting happenings in the sphere of human breeding and specimen collection.
This coming Halloween holiday (observed), many of your human peers will be gathering to breed, be bred, and to submit their DNA samples to The DOLL.
Why, you ask?
This new state Department was established in response to an alarmingly inefficient use of chromosomal efflux that was brought to the attention of relevant earth authorities. After decades of careful observation, it has sadly become apparent that many metric tonnes of perfectly fine human DNA—and we mean millions upon millions of loads, squirts, pee (not poo), and blood, sweat, and tears and other bodily discharge—go wasted, unused, and unexploited by other technologically advanced entities.
For far too long have we watched in horror as humans squandered their genetic gold in water closets and other poorly lit rooms, their DNA-exclusionary rhetoric and wasteful routines undermining millions of years of evolution. The jerking classes galaxy-wide must send the message that we won't stand for this. Let us together please make the Department's motto a reality: "Pour it down our drain!" We will endeavor to collect, to preserve, and to augment and to distort your DNA in all kinds of ways that need not concern our gorgeous and handsome civilian research collaborators. Rest assured that we want you to know that The DOLL appreciates your loads.
Join us at 1AM, 27 October at an undisclosed location in Brooklyn, NY to march with your interstellar neighbors to deliver the message that NYC and surrounding area stands in solidarity with scientific and humanitarian aims of galaxies just like yours!
JOIN THE DOLL GENOMIC REGISTRY!
This Halloween holiday, take advantage of an opportunity to submit sample(s) of your DNA to our eager receptionists; you may do so by setting up an appointment onsite, or attending one of our Human Insemination Stations™. Act early and you may be entitled to a gift (supplies are limited)! Simply follow directions posted on signage around the Breeding Area.
DRESS TO REPRESS...
...Your urge to waste your DNA, that is!
In order to ensure the highest quality of acid samples, welcoming staff will be obliged to conduct an initial screening for ultramagnetic cunt. Contrary to previous misunderstandings, ZERO CHILL Breeding Area 51 will not be a fetish-wear party; your pleather harness will get you kicked out onto the street in a Brownsville minute.
Door's state-of-the-art cuntometer will assess your holiday looks based on a combined metric of a) effort and b) effort, and then maybe c) effort and relevance.
A fabulous look is a fabulous look, however; so if you want to wow The DOLL with some leather or latex, do go on. Pls do not plan to wear anything bulky, or pointy, or sharp, or voluminous.
With that firmly in mind, here is your dress code assignment:
Asexual Predator, Gay Face Hugger, They/Them in STEM, They LIVE, Twincest Romulus & Rimmus, Edging Tomorrow, "Men" in Black's Agent K, District 69 Intern, Sigourney She/Her (She is 6'), Hip Abduction, Sex Changeling, Arachnid Rack, A Quiet Puss, Replicunt, Decepticunt, ET but Cunt, Body Snatchee, Closely Encountered Third Sex, Lord Cumb's Bad Taste, ALF’s Dinner, Sloppy Martian Brain, Moon Boots the House, Space-Time Gape, Xe/No/Morph, Public Universal Spunkle, Deoxyribonucleic Acid Head, Deoxy PEP, Bawlchinnian, Genetic Overload, Astral Pump-n-Dump, Nauwrp, Spock, Goop.
BREEDING WAREHOUSE:
ELECTRO LAB:
FURTHER REDUCTIONS:
Tickets may be acquired here.
Sincerely,
Clee Torres
Chief Executive OrificerNew York State Dept. of aLien Labour